The Little Things in Life

It is amazing the impact something you make consider small be huge for someone else. You never know the impact of your actions on someone else.

This past week my best friends or I consider my brothers, David and Antonio, called me. Just hearing their voice put joy back in my heart. It is hard to explain the emotions I felt to be able to talk to them, to laugh with them. David, Antonio, and I have a complicated history. Even though there were times where I didn't think I could allow myself to get close to them (for the fear of them getting close to me) I wouldn't change anything. When I first left for Rwanda I was really scared that the connection I have with them would be strained and maybe disappear. When I said goodbye to David, I couldn't stop the tears. When I said Goodbye to Antonio in Philly, I felt alone. I did not realize how much those two mean to me until I had to say goodbye.

Over the past 8 months, they have proved to me no matter how far, they will always be there for me and that is something that is priceless! Just a simple phone call lit up my face, to laugh with them made me feel re-energized. I am not for sure if they realized it, but they helped to put everything back in perspective. I talked to John on Saturday and he told me that it is not about me and at first I was confused as to what he meant. I was thinking, yes it is about me, I am the one serving as a PCV in a country where I feel like I am not wanted. But then talking to my brothers I realized, it is about the people I am here to help and to learn from. The people of Rwanda are still hurting, are in pain, are angry, and sometimes I am the brunt of that but I need to keep everything in perspective. I do not know everyone's story, I do not know what they have been through. Who am I to pass judgement? I cannot take their actions personally because it is not a reflection of me as a person.

Life as a Peace Corps Volunteer is many ups and many downs. Right now, I am down. There are some many things going on and I feel confused, angry, sad, lost, and alone. But slowly, I am climbing back up. The one good thing at being at the bottom, is the only way is up from here. I am beyond blessed to be surrounded by other PCVs that understand what I am going through and can give me advice and the room I need. I am beyond blessed to have people in my life that love me so much that they are willing to fly across the world to visit me. I am beyond blessed to have people call me and send me packages full of goodies that always make me smile. One thing I can never deny, I am very Blessed!

So, I just need to remember the little things in life. THe sunrise, the sunset, the smiles, the laughter, the dancing, the singing, the text messages and the phone calls.